I received a forward email from my collegue and it is the most amazing gift I have for this month. I heart the message it carries. The title of the powerpoint slides is 'Let Go'. The cocept is called 'The Priciple of Emptiness' by Joseph Newton and what a wonderful and inspirational message he has for the world.
I had a habit , a bad habit I would say, which is to keep every small little things that I used and never throw away. And all the old clothes, old utensils, and other unnecessary things are piling up all over my room. I was fine having them till the day I move to another house. It was a chaos to sort out the items, to pack them and to place them in order, inside my small room of the new house.
Aside from materials, not to forget all those hatred, sadness and all sort of emotions inside of me that I never let it go, for people who I was with for the past years. I still clearly remember who hurt me, who broke my heart, who lied to me and who betrayed me, and I have kept the hatred for them sealed inside me for years that my heart has only left with a little space for love. And I am ready to let them go and I will love as though I have never been hurt before. :)
So Think!!
Have you got the habit of hoarding useless objects, thinking that one day, who knows when, you may need them??
Have you got the habit of storing clothes, shoes, utensils, funitures and other home supplies that you havent used for sometime?
And inside yourself????? Have you got the habit to keep the reproaches, resentment, sadness, fear and more????
Dont do it. You are going against your properity.
It is necessary to make room , to leave an empty space in order to allow new things in your life.
It is necessary that you get rid of all the useless things that are in you and in your life in order to welcome the properity to arrive.
As long as you are, materially or emotionally, holding old and useless feelings, you wont have rooms for new oppotunities.
Clean your drawer, the wardrobe, the storeroom, the garage and give away what you dont use any longer.
The attitude of keeping a heap of useless stuff ties your life down.
Its not the objects that you keep that stagnate your life, its rather the attitude of keeping.
When we keep in store, we consider the possiblity of wanting, of penury. We believe that tomorrow it may lack and we wont be able to fullfill those necessaties.
With that idea, you are sending two messages to your brain and to your life.
That you dont trust tomorrow.
And you think that the new and the better are not for you.
Forget the past and live like there is no tmorrow. But if there is a tomorrow, believe that it will only bring better things for you.
Dance as though no one is watching you.
Love as though you have never been hurt before.
Sing as though no one can hear you.
Live as though heaven is on earth.
May the prosperity enter you and your life.
Inspiration, Inspiration and Inspiration!! I am in love with it.
The Force of Emptiness!!
Beauty and me!!!
I got a new hair do two days ago and I took some photos and happily send it over to my boy friend,
and he replied me, something like this;
'I know you are not a pretty girl,
but you don't have to show people how can you look so ugly ( I did wear some make up, eye liner and lip stick which, in his opinion, doesn't suit me really well)
I am not shocked, I am not surprised cuz I know how I look. And I ve been receiving so many negative comments from people these days that I feel too numb to get hurt.
I was brought up in a place where people are crazy for fair skin. And there was always discrimination against the dark skin color girls. Even my mom was a bit embarrassed to introduce me, being the darkest one among siblings and other cousins, to others. She was like ' this is my daughter, I don't know how come she is so dark among all' and so on. Looking back, I was such a coy girl who was afraid to go out. I feel like I was an outcast of this huge family. The more I grew up, the more I felt inferior and insecure looking at myself and I started to wear like a guy thinking that it might be more suitable for me to dress up like a guy rather than a girl. I think the reason I was trying hard to get the top of the class was simply because I wanted my momma to be proud of me at least being a smart girl if she couldn't be proud for not having a beautiful girl. I was an ugly duckling. After I hit puberty, I looked worse, ha ha. I become a bit rowdy like a guy sometimes or else I would just sit in a corner like a loner and keep quiet. I felt more confident when I dressed up like a guy. I hated myself so much for being ugly and being considered as ugly.
I completely transformed myself to a tom boy when I moved to Yangon after high school. I always wore man sandal, big pants, and T shirt. I think I can pull off a guy's look pretty well cuz all the guys started to call me 'bro' and you know, I was proud of that. Once I wear a skirt, that is when all my confidence gone with the wind. I feel so insecure, so shy and so uncomfortable in girl's wear. After I came to Singapore, I think all my classmates would remember me as a fierce looking, tomboyish girl who never smile. But I am proud to say that my sense of humor never disappear since young. I was always the one who made the house hold laugh, who still can joke even when I fall sick and almost fainted. Anyway, for that reason, I have a group of good friends in my poly years I believe.
I started to transform since my early third year poly. I started to wear a bit versatile dress and wanted to look good. Looking back, I see myself as a pathetic little girl who was trying so hard to look sophisticated at that moment. I started to try out a bit more revealing outfit and such. Still I was a complete tom boy in my mind and struggling with my insecurity really hard.
That was until one day, I saw a girl, who was on the wheel chair. I still remembered that she was wearing pink color dress. Her legs were sort of like, paralyzed and she was wearing a beautiful black shoe with a pink color ribbon. Her face was full of make up and wearing lipstick and was smiling brightly. I was looking at her and overheard when she said something to her mom; I feel beautiful today. IAnd I come to realize a bit that It is not all about whether you look beautiful or ugly. Its all how you feel of yourself that is, in my translation, to care for yourself more and not to underestimate ownself. Forget about those people who said you don't look good. Ignore those eyes which seems to laugh at you when you wear something. Sometimes, you are thinking they might think that you don't look good. And guess what, its wrong. You wont be inside their mind for more than a split second.
Since then, I started to notice girls around me. I saw a very dark girl wearing tank top and tight jean exposing all the fats from tummy and I think she looked cool, the reason being the way she carried herself was cool. And I found that I always compared myself to fair and slim Chinese girls younger than my age and feel depressed. I regret that my younger age was wasted without noticing such things. And I decided to bring up my confidence level and changed myself to feel good and that day, I bought my first miniskirt. :)
I found its not possible for every girls to be as perfect as they want to be. I started analyzing my body and listed down my good features and I realized that I look not that bad.
1. My skin is brown but at least, it is smooth and healthy looking.
2. My body is not out of shape and a little of fat in the tummy is unavoidable for every girls so I am fine with that.
3. I have awesome boobs.
4. My eyes are beautiful although I have big eye bags.
5. My nose looks Ok, at least I don't have a damn flat nose.
6. Although I am not tall, I m not a dwarf. he he... just being optimistic.
7. I don't have beautiful legs but they look OK when I wear the miniskirt.
8. Although my lips looks a bit dark colored, I think they are attractive.
9. I am healthy, no major illness and I am not disabled and this is freaking reason I should be so happy with.
A mere comment from somebody can affect how I think of myself?? No, it wont. If I take it very seriously and think too much, definitely I ll get hurt. I will wear make up when I feel like wearing it. Do people vomit when they see you?? do they faint?? NO?? then you are fine.
Bear it in mind that people don't care about ur death as much as their headache. Don't always think that they are laughing at you because you wear something different. Tomorrow, wear something different, something colorful and something edgy and have fun.
Now ask me again whether I feel good about myself ; I really do feel good in my own skin. Do I need a surgery to look better than I am now? Why do I need it when I am already beautiful?? I believe today I look better than yesterday and tomorrow, I will look better than today.
Stay cool and smile always,
Khine
A Comeback!!
Back again with lots of things to throw out of my system to my blog. :)
I did have a make over yesterday. I did look good I believe. But was I happy? No, I m still down.
Well. that's not the point.
I did my hair and I shopped a while yesterday like I decided the other day. But guess what, I didn't do any of my to-do list. hehe... Anyway, after straighten my hair and get it done like 4 hours, I feel quite good about my hair. Thanks to my girl, nay chi for waiting by my side all day. Just as I thought my day was going smooth, new problem came in. I was so numb to even shock at it. I didn't feel like telling anybody and I didn't. I feel so far from everybody. My sister was lying on same bed and my mom called me up, I told her that I was fine but I feel so lonely and so far apart from everybody. I feel like its best for me to shut myself down from public. I just want to swallow up all the emotions, all the pain and problems by myself. I am glad that nay chi was around to cheer me up with her problems. :D I mean, she shared with me her problems and that makes me feel that I am not alone facing it all by my self.
I am sorry but I hate to share my problems with my loved ones.
Well anyway, did I look gorgeous, HELL YES I DID. I was rocking the new hair which looked not much different from the previous hair style. No no no,, I am not being sarcastic. But a bit exaggerated. hehe.. I m sure I do look better with this hair so me just happy happy about it.
As usual , I couldn't sleep last night. I tried my best to fall asleep, but it was just too difficult. So I got up at 3am in the morning, and started to wear make up, Gothic inspired if u still cant guess it right. When I say I am wearing make up, that means using my eyeliner and red lipstick. After that I took so many crazy pics, wait wait , I ll upload it at the end of this post. And I was exhausted and fall asleep around 6am.
God must help me to get out of this shit already. But strangely I feel like I am getting used to living with the trouble so much that I even scare that I might get bored without it later. If this is a test to me, definitely I am not going to fail cuz never in my history, I fail my test ( only once while I was studying Second Year Pharmacy in Mandalay, just one, I swear). And u know what?? I don't need a retake. I am sure I ll be totally fine after this week. So don't worry for me guys, I am fine. Thanks you for ur concerns, and reading my blog and giving me comments. :) 
I will die if I cant at least edit my pic a bit .So here we go.
With lov,
Khine
I M BACK!!!
I'm back bitches.. I'm back. But I hate to come back now cuz I'm not feeling good right now. I'm in deep shit. So many things happening around me, I'm like I'm in the very core of this shitty problems and these shit are all tangled up on me. Every fingers are pointing on me and I feel like I shouldnt even have brought into this world from the very beginning. I have shut myself down for a few days. More bad news coming in, more fingers pointing at me, and finally, I ve decided that I ain't gonna take it just like that. I m still clearing my thoughts on what I m going to do next. But there is one thing I ve got to do. I need a makeover. Hell, yes, I do.
I ve been in a living hell for a week now. I have not been eating well, and sleeping well. My eyebags are black as hell, and I look like a train wreck. Whenever I am in deep shit, I want to dress up, This is my way of handling the stress other than eating. My fashion sense obviously is deeply affected by goth and when I check out my wardrobe again, I only found black, red, purple and magenta. It makes me a little more depressed looking at the colors. And for the very first time in my life, I freaking feel like wearing a floral dress. I checked my bank balance. Not much left. My hand phone is out of service right now for overdue payment and I am going to settle it tomorrow. There are still some left after I settle my bill. Before all of that, I need to get a proper hair cut cuz my hair is at its worst state right now like amy winehouse's hair is busted by stray dogs. So here is my plan for tomorrow.
1. First and foremost, I gotta get a proper hair cut in which I will look like a god damn goddess just come out from the freaking heaven and super gorgeous and fabulous and glamorous. Yes, I am joking.
2. I ll do a little bit of shopping, and I want to try a more versatile and different look from what I used to wear, a bit more funky or may be a bit more classy or may be a bit more edgy. And I want to step out of my comfort zone a little bit and show off. But for sure, I ll look damn good tomorrow.
3. To settle all my problems one after another, because its not one , not two or not even three. There are a lot of things I have to do and I gotta do it quick. First my phone bill, second my Internet bill, third, to get my mails from old house from where I just moved out . Fourth, To change all the mailing address for bill. Fifth, to submit an effing Root Cause Analysis at my work. Sixth, the last but not the least, things that I dont think I can do it for the moment, I ll just let it go and I ll relaxed and chill. I wont torture my mind thinking about problems that are out of my reach.
4. I will definitely bring back my swaggering attitude, my dont-care posture to my walk and I ll be myself again. Yes, I have freaking attitude problem. Tell me you r ok with that, honey. :) haha!!
Well, that's pretty much I want to do for tomorrow. I'm gonna fly. I will look good and totally i ll make sure that I feel good too. I will not let anybody stand in my way and affect my mood tomorrow. I am excited with ecstasy now. I cant wait to be me again, I cant wait to show them off. I ll just laid-back and chill in the evening , may be having a great dinner and be a bit tipsy with my chit thaw friend. GOOD IDEA????? I am sure it is a bloody brilliant idea. I will have another blog post in the evening I guess about the experience that I encounter the whole day. Never In my life, I have to face with so many problems at the same damn time. And I m going to handle it good and have my own way. Watch me rock tomorrow people!!
Below is my fav of the moment, MIKA, grace kelly lyrics, watch and learn, alrighty??
Do I attract you?
Do I repulse you with my queasy smile?
Am I too dirty?
Am I too flirty?
Do I like what you like?
I could be wholesome
I could be loathsome
I guess I'm a little bit shy
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like me without making me try?
I try to be like Grace Kelly
But all her looks were too sad
So I try a little Freddie
I've gone identity mad!
I could be brown
I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful
I could be purple
I could be anything you like
Gotta be green
Gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you walk out the door!
You think I will call you back if u walk out of my door, No , I will never. So many people leaving me at the same damn time, and I thought it hurts me a lot. And now I realized they are letting go a god's gift to them, they are refusing a blessing, they are throwing away a good friend and the best person to understand them someone to be by their side when they are down. It is just their luck. It is a long entry this time. I enjoyed writing this post. Thanks.
